Stephen Update: Most Difficult Decision of All

Here is today's update from Stephen's Dad

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The Most Difficult Decision of All

This decision has been coming slowly for a while now. After talking in the waiting room this morning with Stephen asleep in our arms, Amber and I decided it is time for us to take him home to Albuquerque in anticipation of Stephen's return to his home above.

We will do so at the end of his current course of radiation.

At this point the longer we stay here and treat him, the more time we actually loose. He longs to be home with his family, in his own bed, surrounded by the comfort that only it can give him. Aside from the radiation to his pelvis, the other current treatments, potential future treatments, and nasty side-effects are only hurting him and preventing him from the peace and comfort he deserves.

Once we take him home we might expect anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months with him. Unfortunately the same is true if we subject him to 4-6 more months of torturous treatment away from home. We get the same end result with far too much suffering involved.

More than that, the chances are extremely high that he would not make it through the rest of the treatments. Even our doctor has said that Stephen is not a good candidate for chemotherapy now. He's just too weak. He would almost surely miss out entirely on those last good days if we pushed forward from here. The fungal infection only complicates issues further. The end would come 1000 miles away from home and family in a sterile, clinical environment. We can not risk it.

From the beginning, we promised ourselves that we would NOT try to keep Stephen in this world for our own selves. We promised to NOT to treat him at any expense to his own quality of life and happiness We used to be able to hold onto the idea that there would be a time where he would go home free of cancer. We hoped that pain and suffering endured would pay off... even if for a short number of years... or months... We wished that Stephen would feel well enough to go back to school and enjoy the life he had before. We desired that he would have some portion of a good quality of life. The time for that has now clearly passed.

What is best for Stephen has changed. It is now apparent that no amount of chemotherapy, anti-fungal, or radiation will give us what we want: a healthy, happy Stephen. We have done our very best. We have fought fiercely, tirelessly. Because of this, we can have no regrets.

It is not time to say goodbye yet, but the time has now come to leave the rest entirely in the Lord's hands. We know we must do so with all the faith, courage, love, and hope we can muster.

We have taken many small steps of great faith throughout the last five months. This is the giant leap they have all lead to and prepared us for. We must have the confidence that God will catch us in his arms. I KNOW he will. I just hope each of us, my wife, my children, each person reading this right now who loves Stephen don't have to fall too far before we feel his saving embrace. God be with us.