Stephen Update: I HATE CANCER. *tears*

Tears are streaming down my face right now. I just got the latest update on little Stephen. He is back at St. Jude Hospital now. I know there are lots of you who are following his battle with AT/RT brain cancer, and I know you'll want to know this. I am seriously just...I don't even know what I am. The only thing I can think of to say is sick to my stomach. My heart is just aching for them.

They drove back to St. Jude last week. Here's the first update after getting there:

* * *

After our morning MRI and spinal tap, we sat down with our two doctors and went over the results.

They found what UNM-H missed.

There is a mass growing rapidly behind Stephen's tail bone. It was not there in a scan dated December 8th of the same area. The new tumor is almost 5cm by 7cm already, about the size of an egg. It is causing the sciatic pain and pressing on his bladder causing the urination problems as well.

AT/RT is known to grow in the abdomen as well as in the brain. The placement and rate of growth lead the doctors to strongly suspect that it is AT/RT. They also have said that complete surgical resection of it in this area would be very difficult. We will talk to surgeons from LeBonheur tomorrow or Wednesday for more on that. They can also radiate it in order to try to shrink it.

The MRI today also covered his brain. There they found a section in the back of his left ventricle "lighting up". There is some kind of "nodule" there that is causing inflammation of the surrounding brain matter. This "nodule" could either be more tumor that was somehow resistant to radiation or evidence of an infection - possibly the fungus. They can't tell which and there is equal probability. Either one is bad news.

Tomorrow Stephen is scheduled for a CT scan of his body from his chest down to his bottom. This will give us a more detailed look at the mass by his bladder and will show any other smaller tumors that the MRI can't see. It will also give us more information on whether it can be removed.

What does this all mean? That is still to be decided completely. Certainly, he will not be starting chemotherapy. IF the small mass in his brain is infection, chemotherapy would render him unable to fight it. If it's new tumor, then he is beyond the help chemo offers. That goes for the mass below too.

Symptom-wise, Stephen is still in pain but we are controlling it pretty well. He has started to hurt now in the front of his belly on the corresponding side. He is growing more unsteady on his feet and has almost fallen a number of times today as he limps along. We have managed to catch him each time.

He also continues to have problems peeing. St. Jude is very concerned about the huge size of his bladder. We may have to start catheterizing him if he can not go 4 times a day. He is currently managing 2-3 times a day after much trial and error.

Now that we know about it we can actually feel a large bump through his right buttock. I can't believe how we could've missed it. I guess we don't really go around feeling our children's bottoms much for consistency.

Probably the hardest part of the day has been telling our kids this news over Skype and not being there to comfort them in person. That alone is just killing us.

It's still raining in Memphis. Now it's apparently raining in Albuquerque too."

* * *

UGH. This little guy is such a fighter. His whole family is. Let's keep those prayers coming, guys. Send every little bit of faith, hope, and strength that you can.

Also, if you want to send him anything, here is their address at St. Jude.

Stephen Peterson
St. Jude Children's Research Hospital
262 Danny Thomas Place
Memphis, TN 38105

Update on Stephen: MRI Results

Good news, they didn't find a tumor growing in Stephen's spine! However, they are still baffled at what could be causing his pain and his difficulties not being able to urinate. They wonder if maybe the cancer cells are attacking the lining of the spinal column, which could explain the nerve problems. I'll let you know if I hear anything else. Thank you for your prayers! Everyone is just so relieved that there was no tumor! They made friends with two other little boys and their families at St. Jude while they were there. Today, they got news that those two little boys lost their battle with AT/RT cancer. Please, keep the families of Ayden and Talon in your prayers. Cancer is such a horrible, HORRIBLE thing. :(

Update on Stephen: More Prayers {Please}

Hi everyone! I have an update on Stephen for you today. He is in need of your prayers again. Things had been going so well! The radiation seemed to be working great and he even got to go back home to Albuquerque for a while. Make A Wish granted he and his family on a trip to Disney World (it was his wish to go to the Jedi training and watch Darth Maul put on his makeup!) He went through the whole Disney World trip just fine until the last day. He was in a lot of pain, and it sounded like sciatic nerve pain. But why would a 7 year old have sciatic nerve pain??? They found that the pain could be from swelling in his spinal column from radiation, or it could be a new tumor growing in his spine. Since then, his pain is getting harder and harder to manage and it has been pretty rough. They are still waiting on answers. They are still in Albuquerque and debating on how to get back to St. Jude since he is in too much pain to travel and there is no way he could survive an 8 hour flight of sitting up. They are pretty terrified. If it's pain from swelling and irritation they will prepare to start chemo. If it is another tumor growing in his spinal column that will be a different story.

Here is Brent's journal entry from today. I'm posting the whole thing so you can get the full picture of what's going on. It's a story I can't paraphrase. I get goosebumps when I read it...it's amazing to see how God works in people's lives. He is very involved in this family's lives:

Where to start?

...Sunday.

Stephen's Super bowl Sunday had it's extreme ups and downs. We were trying to control his pain with the Dilaudid every 4 hours. The nerve pain, Gabapentin, has done a number on his laid back, easy-going demeanor. He is frequently moody and even outright angry with it in his system. Still, his good nature shines through from time to time when he's not hurting.

We spent all of Sunday morning chasing his pain after another long night of the same. We finally got him pain free and down for a nap before noon. We had hopes that we could all go to church as a family at 12:30pm, but it could not happen and Amber stayed home with him.

Later in the day, about 5:30pm, his elementary school teacher came to see him. He had been looking very forward to it, and during her visit it was almost like nothing in the world was wrong. Although he still walked with a limp and had his droopy eyes, he had a great time telling her all about his trip to Disney World and how he saw (and became) Darth Maul. It really seemed like a miracle. He was himself again.

After the visit, we had also planned to go to his cousins’ house to see most of Amber's family for somewhat of a farewell like with my family the day before. He had some pain on the drive over, but lay down and played with his cousins for a couple hours. He seemed to hold up okay if he was laying down.

The 15 minute drive back home was horrific. Stephen screamed at the top of his lungs almost the whole way home and was frequently crying, "Are we almost there yet?"

It was then that we realized there was no way this kid could make an 8 hour trip (flight, layover, flight) to Memphis having to sit all the way.

Once home Sunday night, we continued fighting the pain. We had also noticed that his stomach was distended and was hurting him. He hadn't had a bowel movement since Monday or Tuesday. It wasn't for lack of trying either. We had already given him a couple doses of Miralax throughout the week and had tried a full kid's dose of Milk of Magnesia the night before. He was in so much pain with that on top of his sciatic that we had to do something. We gave him more Miralax, Milk of Magnesia and tried a suppository before having any success late in the night. (Sorry for the descriptions here)

He felt so much better after that and slept well, minus a few trips to the bathroom during the night. This morning he felt well for a while.

By this time, I had already cancelled my plans for driving to Memphis over Monday and Tuesday. It was just too risky for me to get that far ahead if something were to happen here. Afte the good morning we thought, maybe, just maybe he would be able to get on a plane after all. If so, I would drop them off at the airport Tuesday morning and drive the whole way there with a backup plan to stop and sleep somewhere if I needed to. (We've really felt like we need a car out there - hence the drive and not flying with them)

But then Stephen went downhill again. We were confused and unsure of any of our plans once again.

At this point a desperate plan was hatched. Maybe we could drive him to Memphis. It would be a longer trip for him, but we could make him a bed in the back seat and he could lie down and at least be more comfortable. We would control the pain as best we could and be the next day. Not ideal, but it could work.

We decided to run it past our doctors at St. Jude and have them cancel the flight that St. Jude was providing. They told us they could not endorse the drive and recommended we take him into the local hospital. We hung up somewhat frustrated, but recognizing they were just protecting themselves from liability.

We had already considered going to our local hospital several times during the last few days, but it always felt like it was an unnecessary in-between. UNM-H was reluctant to do an MRI because they felt they couldn't compare it to previous scans done by St Jude. It would require us to catch them up with all that had happened. If surgery or other treatments were necessary, we would want to be at St. Jude, not here. St. Jude had even told us that they would want Stephen back even if we went to UNM-H first. It’s just always seemed like if St. Jude was the last stop, why not get there first if we could.

After a brief discussion and some reasoning, we decided we would make the drive with Stephen against our doctor’s recommendations. After all, they were only protecting themselves – and that was expected and even acceptable. But we could make our own decisions for our child based on what we thought was good. It made sense that if he could exist at home, then why not laying in a car and hopefully sleep most of the way. We would even up his dose of Dilaudid one more step to the maximum safe level for the trip. Now that his bowel problems were over, it could happen. It made sense.

We began to pack quickly. Then I stopped. Everything felt so rushed. There was still some uncertainty. Right then I decided this was too big a decision to make on my own and I went out and sat in my car to get away from the hustle of packing. I don't know why I hadn't done it before then. I prayed. I asked for some kind of answer. All I wanted was a confirmation of some kind that what we had chosen would work.

What I got was just the opposite. It came to me very clearly – unmistakable. We were not supposed to drive to Memphis. There was danger in it. I could feel it. Instead, we were to take him into UNM-H immediately. As I pondered the new direction my chest filled with warmth. It was just like how many people have described the Spirit of the Lord to feel. I've felt that many times before and I've never been lead the wrong way when it happens.

I did want to involve Amber, so I brought her out to the car and we prayed together. When we had finished, she was still unsure and cloudy. I told her what I felt. She said it made her feel “relieved”. There we had it. Our answer. Our plans had changed once again in the course of a few minutes. This time, however, with divine guidance. How wonderful is that?!

Amber’s parents came over to care for the kids who were arriving home and we left with Stephen to the ER. We had been in communication with our local neurosurgeon’s nurse practitioner and she had set everything up. She felt if we checked in through the ER, we could get an MRI tonight. It turned out that once there, they told us that they didn’t have an anesthesiologist available to sedate Stephen for the MRI. We will have to wait until tomorrow anyway.

Stephen is now on the pediatric floor. He is not in good spirits. He’s still in pain and VERY grumpy. Amber is there with him and I have come home to stay the night with the other kids and get them off to school in the morning.

But we now know why this was to be our path.

My faith has absolutely been confirmed. Soon after we got into the ER, Stephen was required to give a urine sample. He said he had to go, but just couldn’t. We didn’t collect even one drop. That was okay. We would just try later.

They proceeded to give him a full IV bag as we waited to go upstairs into a room. We waited a long time. That IV bag was half emptied when he began to really have to pee. He tried and he tried, but nothing would flow. They finally had to insert a catheter to his great dismay. He screamed and that Gabapentin rage came out, but they had to do it. It will likely have to happen again if he does not get control back.

I can’t imagine being out on the road tonight somewhere in Texas or Oklahoma – far away from home… and St. Jude with that complication showing up. It would’ve been disastrous and we would have been stuck at an ER somewhere in-between. We would not have made it to St. Jude. We would not be near family and support in Albuquerque.

By the way, that, as well as the constipation are just more symptoms pointing towards a compression of his spinal cord caused by tumor growth. We are very nervous about what the MRI will show tomorrow, if anything. But at least we listened to our promptings and are where we are supposed to be… for now.

******

Please continue to keep them in your prayers. I'll keep you updated as soon as they find out whether it is just swelling or a new tumor. *fingers crossed* for good news....

I've Been Tagged!

So, I got a lovely comment from a sweet new follower named DeAnne from The S.I.P. Project. She tagged me and asked me 11 questions to get to know a little more about me. I have to admit, I love stuff like this. When we see someone's blog all we see are the "successes" and we get this crazy image of this perfect gorgeous person who does everything right and is probably wearing heels, an apron, a glue gun in one hand and a mop in the other. What they don't see is the REAL chick sitting at the computer in sweats and a T-shirt with a messy ponytail, a lovely white glob of Clearasil on her pimple and peanut butter smeared on her arm from her two year old who is eating lunch and giving her a quick break to check her email. :) So, sometimes it's nice to get to meet the REAL person behind the blog. The not so perfect one, who if you met on the street you probably wouldn't give them a second glance. But if you did, chances are you'd start to chat and soon you'd be great friends. Okay...so here we go.

1. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

That's a good one. I've lived so many nice places, it's hard to pick one! We lived in Golden, CO for about 4 years while my husband went to school and we loved it there. It's a quiet little town in the foothills of the Rockies, yet close enough to the city that anything you need is a short drive away. Sometimes I think it would be fun to move back to the Denver area. But moving away from family would be hard.

2. What keeps you going back to a blog time and time again?

I love blogs that are REAL. I love blogs that make me laugh. I love blogs where when you're reading a post you feel like you're reading about your best friend who you've known forever. I love blogs where the crafts are cute, fast and easy. I love blogs that inspire me to be a better person. (Like the S.I.P. Blog....which stands for Service Is Painless. How awesome is that!) There are just so many great blogs out there!

3. What are your top 3 favorite places to shop?

Ooooh...that one is really hard, too! Hahaha! I'm going to have to say Target, Hobby Lobby, and JCPenney (gotta give a shout out to my Daddy who manages the local store here in Alamosa! Go Dad!) I also love Kohls, Maurices, Bath and Body Works and Old Navy. I know...so original, huh!

4. What gadget are you drooling over right now?

Um...does a paint roller count as a gadget? I'm dying to get rid of the creamy yellow that takes over most of our house right now. I'm thinking something like Benjamin Moore Copley Grey...*drool*

5. What do you hate about blogging, if anything?

Probably the only thing I don't like is when I hit a creative slump. I don't know how all these bloggers come up with some genius post EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. It amazes me! Some days I have a hard enough time spelling my name right! :)

6. Which tech skill do you wish you were better at?

Um...I wish I had any tech skill at all! Hahah! Today at church I was sitting next to a friend and she was reading the scripture from the lesson on her spiffy iphone, and she let me play with it. I literally squealed in the middle of the lesson when I turned the phone and the words turned with the phone. It was the coolest thing EVER.

7. What makes your heart smile?

So many things! Early morning snuggles with Kate, the smell of clean kids after their baths, when my kids make good choices without my making them, my husband telling me he loves me and I'm beautiful, when I read my scriptures and I find a verse that I swear was written just for me, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, hugs, laughter (it doesn't matter who it is...it just makes me happy!) snow cones, bubble baths, cooing babies, dates with my husband, Christmas Eve at my parent's house, chick flicks, good music, and my friends. :) I know there are hundreds more, but that would take all night!

8. What is your dream job?

Right now it's getting to be a stay at home mom. But, some day I'd love to get back into nursing. I would LOVE to be a labor and delivery nurse. I absolutely love making miserable people happy. I love to bring that smile when it's the last thing someone wants to do. I would love to be able to witness a miracle EVERY.SINGLE.DAY at work! I know what a difference having a good nurse makes...and I want to help someone else get that experience!

9. What is your biggest pet peeve?

Awww, just one? Hahah! Okay...I hate, and I mean HATE walking through other people's farts (is that a bad word???) There. I said it. I swear, it happens to me ALL the time!!! I'm walking down the isle of a store and suddenly, that whiff hits you and you just want to vomit everywhere...I have to try my hardest to not remember that that was someone else's gas...*shudder* If you HAVE to toot, and you can't make it to a bathroom, PLLLLEASE, at least go to an isle without other people behind you! That is all.

10. What is the post on your blog you are proudest of?

Honestly, my Stephen posts. The nest necklace one particularly, it was INCREDIBLE to see the outpouring of love and support for that little guy! It made me feel so special to be a part of something so wonderful. I made so many new friends...it is definitely something that makes me feel like I did something that really made a difference. It reminded me that THIS is what life is about. Life is about love. :)

11. Your best piece of advice for new bloggers?

BE YOURSELF! :) And don't get discouraged. It's hard in the beginning, you wonder if anyone is really reading or paying attention. You go to these blogs that have thousands of followers and wonder "How on earth are they doing it!?!" The answer? One person at a time. Don't necessarily write to get followers, write to make friends. I still look at my 515 followers and get so excited! I mean...it's not thousands or anything, but if I were to fill a room with the 515 people who read my blog I would seriously start to cry happy tears and give every single one of you a hug and tell you thank you. Blogland is an incredible place!

I'm Alive, I Swear!

Holy cow, it's been a month since I posted last. I am SOOOO sorry! I'm alive, I swear. There's been a lot of drama lately and I've basically just dropped off of the face of the planet and have been soaked up in my own little world! I have good excuses, I promise. Good excuses...but no pictures. Lame, I know...to be honest, I'm not even sure where my camera is right now! Hahah!

Fist, Whitney got her tonsils out. I really wasn't expecting it to be all that big of a deal. But HOLY COW, I was so wrong! The poor girl woke up in tears at the hospital and the surgeon just kept saying "WOW. Those were BIG tonsils." The nurses said "Keep up with the fluids, keep up with the fluids, MAKE.HER.DRINK.FLUIDS." And I was like, "Psssh. Of course I will!" They weren't kidding, it was HARD to make her drink anything. I know the pain must have been horrible. But then, she started producing this horrible, thick, foamy saliva that she kept choking on. She couldn't swallow it! We tried gum to keep it from forming and to keep her mouth moist, but the gum just fell to pieces in her mouth. We tried popsicles, ice cream, crushed ice, every kind of juice or flavored ANYTHING...everything we could think of. But she just wouldn't swallow. I ended up just bribing the heck out of her and gave her a dime for every gulp of fluid she could get down. She ended up earning almost $10...not too shabby. The other bad part of it was that they took out so much tissue that she has to re-learn to swallow. Whenever she drinks something it also comes out of her nose! I know it's a totally cool trick, but she doesn't think it would make the top finals in the school talent show. We're still working on that. Apparently Sprite really hurts when it comes out of your nose. Just FYI. To make a long story short, she's doing much better now. She lost about 10 pounds total, and I'm pretty sure her breath could have been considered a dangerous weapon of mass destruction or at the least knock out a horse... but it's good to have her sleeping better and not getting strep anymore!

Next matter of business, we noticed that our plumbing was draining really slowly for about two weeks. After running the dishwasher and doing a few loads of laundry it would start to back up into the showers and tubs. We couldn't figure out what the problem was. Mike took off the toilet and ran a snake through the house and couldn't find any blockages anywhere. Then, a few days later, I was flushing some throw up from Aaron who came down with the flu and it wouldn't flush. Then, all of the sudden, sewage started coming out of EVERY.DRAIN. in the house. No joke. It was coming out of the washing machine. It was all over the floors...just....everywhere! So, now our house not only smelled like vomit from Aaron, but sewage as well. To make another long story short, we had to move in with my parents for about a week while the plumbers came to fix it all. It tuns out the culprit was clear over at the city line...a partially frozen pipe. I am SOOOO happy it's all fixed! But it still grosses me out to use the bath or the shower, even though I cleaned it like ten times afterwards. *shudder* And I have been able to catch up on 3 weeks of laundry. UGH. Not so bad washing it, but the whole folding and putting everything away thing just doesn't agree with me. ;)

Then, Mike took me to Boston with him for a 5 day business trip. Our parents were kind enough to take the kids for us while we went. It was really nice to have 5 days of just my husband and I. It was so quiet...nobody came and climbed in bed with us at 2 a.m. and I even got to shower all by myself! It was awesome. However, to be honest I'm having to adjust to being back to this stay at home mom thing. It was nice to get dressed up and go to meetings and talk to people all day...come back to a clean hotel room with a made bed and not having to cook anything! WOW. I had forgotten how hard this whole mom/wife/maid/cook thing is. But I know I'm blessed to be able to get to do it. :)

I'll do an update on Stephen within the next few days. I've had several people ask about him! Which, of course, makes me so happy that people haven't forgotten him! Oh how I love that kid. :)

So, anyway, I apologize for my absence! Thank you for being so patient! I'll be back soon, I promise!

A Entry From Stephen's Dad

First...let me start with this picture. It seriously makes me tear up every time I see it! If you look closely, each of them are missing a hand. Stephen calls it his "lucky fin" (like in Finding Nemo!). He has a very special nurse there, who also has a lucky fin. He's right handed, she's left handed and they are a perfect pair. :)

I just read the most touching letter from Brent, Stephen's Dad. So many of you donated to the Hope for Stephen fund with the Nest Necklace fundraiser, and I thought you should read this. They truly are a remarkable family...I am so blessed to be a part of them.

Stephen has had quite a few scares while they've been up there at St. Jude's. He started having seizures and even had to be resuscitated. He's had another surgery to put a shunt in his head to drain his "brain juice" as he calls it. There was almost a severe infection from bacteria collecting in the lining of the shunt, but Brent was very prompted by God to know what to do in the situation, and because he followed God's guidance, a horrible catastrophe was avoided and Stephen's life was spared. We have witnessed MIRACLES in this journey and our testimonies of a loving Father in Heaven are continually strengthened. God is GOOD. :)

Anyhewww, here's Brent's entry. He is talking about some of YOU and your kindness. I hope you understand how touched and appreciative and humbled they are. :)

*****

Today Target hosted it's annual winter carnival out in a big tent for St. Jude patients. Stephen and I got done with his radiation treatment about mid-day and walked out to see what it was all about.

They had promised food, live entertainment, crafts and a toy gift to every patient and sibling that came. We ended up waiting in the wind for an hour just to get in because there was not enough room in the tent for everyone. I was glad that I had heated up a bean burrito in the hospital for Stephen.

Standing in line we saw all kinds of kids coming out with big boxes. There were Lego play sets, games, tricycles, and a variety of really nice expensive toys. By the time we finally got in, it had been an hour and we only had two minutes to find a toy and get to his next appointment. No time to do crafts or eat delicious treats. There were only a few "bottom of the barrel" toy choices left so they gave him a $10 gift card instead. We were thrilled and grateful. Truly touched.

When we were in line earlier I happened to see a mother and her son off in the distance. She was trying to push her son up a hill in a wheelchair while desperately trying to hold onto a large toy. She was really struggling. Instantly, a tall man in a hat came out of the crowd to her aid. He pushed the wheelchair up to the top of the hill.

I couldn't help myself. I just started crying. I'm sure someone took notice while I tried to hide my face. They probably thought I had just received some bad news that morning. I've seen more than one parent walking in tears down the busy hallways at St. Jude. The truth is, I was immensely touched. The helping man had reminded me of all the incredible experiences my family and I have had at the hands of others since Stephen was diagnosed.

Hardly a day goes by that Stephen does not receive a care package. Not a single day has passed without a few cards or letters. We are the recipients of mail coming from family, friends, friends of friends, and even people we don't know at all. There are posts with uplifting and caring words written on this website's guestbook every day. There have been families and individuals who have given us money, hotel stays, airline tickets, gift cards. St. Jude bills our insurance, but is not charging us a dime. They, their private donors and corporate partners provide housing and some money for groceries each week we're here. Stephen's elementary school put on a craft fair, bake sale and choir concert in his behalf. Other children have sent self made cards, books, videos and artwork. We've had people do shopping and run errands for us when we could not. They've brought dinners, performed MAJOR yard work, cleaned, transported our kids and cared for them in our absence. Countless prayers have gone up to God for us in multiple languages, in many countries across the world and through many different faiths and denominations. Our wonderful neighbors named the huge tree in their yard that is decorated with lights after Stephen. There are even families that have given up their entire Christmas budgets to us. One of those amazing families has never even met us before and had only heard about Stephen from a family member they work with. I imagine they will have the sweetest Christmas ever this year!

I want you to know that I could continue writing this list all night...

To be honest, I have struggled with all this giving on our behalf. Do we deserve it? I don't know. Do we deserve it more than others. Absolutely not. We have received so much and are more grateful to YOU than words can express. (Those pesky tears have come back again.)

What has this done? For one, it has opened my cynical eyes to a whole new world - a world I didn't believe existed to the extent it actually does. There are good, honest, caring people in the world. There really, really are. You all are a witness to that. I hope I can say that I'm one of them and that I'm teaching it to my children.

A care package we received yesterday had a bunch of candy canes in it (among other gifts). The family who sent it said we should give them to everyone helping Stephen at St. Jude. So that's exactly what we did today. Stephen carried that bag of candy canes with him everywhere he went. He offered it to every nurse and doctor he saw and told them "Merry Christmas." He was adored, praised, and admired for it. More importantly, he felt WONDERFUL.

This afternoon, the long awaited day for Christmas shopping finally came. Stephen bought very thoughtful gifts for his siblings, mother (and even me). They are wrapped and placed under our small apartment tree. As many of you know, we had "the BEST day ever" last Saturday. But as Stephen went to bed tonight he exclaimed to me that today had been "the GREATEST day ever." I don't know if he really understood the great wisdom and truth in the words he spoke, but they rang out to me very clearly.

I hope many of you have had "the GREATEST year ever" because of your loving service to our family. Each of you have been inspirational and even critical to our survival mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Before I close this post there is one last feeling I need to express. I know some who read this blog are not "religious" and I fully respect those beliefs, but I would not be true to my own if I did not say how grateful I am to God.

In a very short time we have gone from roses to thorns. Life as we knew it has turned upside down and seemingly buried us alive. Strangely enough, I have never felt closer to my Savior in all my life. I know this is not a punishment. A blessing? In some very strange way, yes. Through all of the sleepless nights, the hours and days of worry, the unexpected ups and downs of Stephen's health, even his horrible pain - I have know that the Lord is near.

Just this week when all the doctors were thinking and planning for the worst, I only felt peace and knew exactly what to do as if it were the only option in front of me. It felt different, like knowledge that did not belong to me. It was not instinct that came from "within" me. I have indeed been "touched" by God Himself and I know it. It has happened time and time again through this whole ordeal. In that, each of your prayers are being answered, and I hope that you in turn can feel His touch because of it.

*******

I love you all and hope you are having a WONDERFUL Christmas Season!

Nat's Top Ten Pins of the Week

I hope you all had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! We did...other than the fact that I totally ruined one of my pies. French Silk Pie to be exact. I can tell you one thing, it was NOT silk. It was more like sand. Who knew that bakers sugar was actually just powdered sugar??? I went to every store I could find and could NOT find bakers sugar. So, I used regular sugar. NEVER AGAIN. People were literally trying to not throw up after one piece of that pie. I've got 5 words for you. HU.MIL.I.A.TING. But, hey. It's a new day and I learned something new, right? ;)

*cough* On to Nat's Top Ten Pins of the Week!

I don't know about you, but Pintrest is getting extremely dangerous with Christmas coming. Mercy....it's like...a time space continuum thing. You're like, "I'll just check really quick and see if there's anything fun." Three hours later, your kids have aged ten years and your butt is asleep and you're like, "What on earth!?!" Am I right?

SO....without further adieu, here we go.

1. Craft of the Week

This is seriously at the TOP of my to-do list. Why? Because last year the toddler broke a bunch of my Christmas ornaments. So this year I went and bought the shatter proof kind. Which means I have a gazillion Christmas ornaments that need used up! AND, I found a bunch at the thrift store for super cheap. SO EXCITED to do this!

2. Cute Outfit of the Week

OH MY GOSH, look at THIS one!?! Okay...so it's not an outfit. Who cares. Right now all I care about is getting ready for Christmas. Besides, we all know I'm just going to post a picture of some sort of sweater/cardigan, skinny jeans, a scarf and super cute boots. ;)

3. Tip of the Week

Now, what the flip does this have to do with Christmas? Well, I'll tell you. (hold on...let me think for a second.) Ah, yes. Those glass ornaments are sharp when they break! So...the idea is you squirt neosporin into straws, snip them up into sections, melt the ends with a lighter and you're done. Or something like that. How great would these be in your purse for all those skinned knees, slashed fingers from broken glass, etc.?

4. Kid Craft of the Week

Graham Cracker Gingerbread Houses? HECK YES! I don't even like gingerbread. And it saves a lot of work! I can't wait to do this with the kids!

5. Good Laugh of the Week

Seriously though. Gets me EVERY time. But, what does it have to do with Christmas??? Why, this of course! You need those scary biscuits to make cinnamon sticky buns!


6. Inspiration of the Week

This quote makes me think of Stephen's parents. They are STRONG. But they have to be. If they were anyone from the outside looking in they would be astounded at their strength. Stephen and his mom have been at St. Jude's for 5 weeks now. He just started radiation therapy this week. Bless their hearts. I hope they can get to go home for a little Christmas break.


7. *DROOL* of the week

Seriously, how CUTE are these!?! And how did they get them so perfectly round???

8. Tutorial of the Week
Because I have ALWAYS wanted to know how to do this!!! Merry Christmas. What's that? You want more bows? Well, your wish is my command! Here's another tutorial on making homemade bows!


9. Hairstyle of the Week

Yes. It's the PERFECT holiday hairstyle for your Christmas card pictures!!! It's SOOOO easy to do. Step 1: Cut all of your hair to about 4 inches long all the way around. Step 2. Get a perm. Step 3: Fluff it with a comb and give it a good dousing of hairspray to keep it poofy! THAT'S IT!!! Don't forget to get matching goggles. I mean...glasses. It's a timeless look, I swear. (It's past midnight...give me a little slack here!)

10. Home Inspiration of the Week

Oh, House of Smiths, how I adore thee. Can I please have your house???

Annnnd, that concludes this week's Top Ten Pins of the Week. Okay...so it was more like 12 pins because I'm just that nice. Have a great week! *muah!*

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