Saturday, July 2, 2011

My Marriage Miracle


WOW! I am completely blown away at the support and encouragement I've received after my last post! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOUUUU! It was so nice to know I'm not alone!

I spent the past week at Girls Camp with the Young Women from church, and it was a WONDERFUL, much needed break. I feel so refreshed! And I was SOOOO ready to come home to my little family, I could hardly stand it!

The funny thing is, my husband stayed home to take care of the kids while I was gone. In my mind I was secretly hoping he would see how hard being a mom was. I was expecting to come home to a torn up house, messy kids, a totally cranky husband and an empty fridge. To my surprise, when I walked into the front door, the house was ABSOLUTELY CLEAN. It was quiet. There was food in the fridge. I was like, "What on earth!?!" He was out with the kids on a bike ride! He even went out and bought one of those bike trailers to pull Kate behind him in. The kids were dressed and clean, and Kate's hair was in little pigtails. I was completely blown away! Not only this, but he had gotten up every morning and made the kids breakfast. Like...pancakes and french toast and bacon and eggs! He had even trained the kids to put their dishes into the dishwasher when they're done eating (why hadn't I thought of that!?!) I'm not kidding, this man is a better mom than I am.

My life has changed SO much in the past month or so. My marriage was falling apart and I didn't know how we were going to fix it. We've tried counseling before, but it didn't help and was pretty much a big waste of time and money. Do you want to know what has been the miracle in our marriage? THIS BOOK.


Did you know that people show and need love in different ways? It's like two people speaking different languages. Sure, two people who speak different languages can talk to eachother, but will they know what the heck the other one is saying??? Not really. One of our BIGGEST problems in our marriage is that our love languages are different and we had no idea! There is a quiz that you take to help you figure out which love language is the one you speak/need. The 5 love languages are PHYSICAL TOUCH, ACTS OF SERVICE, WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, GIVING/GETTING GIFTS, and QUALITY TIME.

The test has 30 multiple choice questions, answered A B C or D. Then, you tally up your answes to see which things are most important to you and helps you to figure out which love languages you and your spouse speak/understand. Then, there are different chapters on each love language and how to speak it. The first love language I need/understand is acts of service. This means that the things that mean the most to me are things like him doing dishes...he shows me he loves me by the things he does for me. My second love language is quality time. I need to spend time with him, whether it's taking a sunset stroll or playing a video game together, it doesn't matter. I need that one on one time. This is how he "fills my love tank". People are like cars, if their tank is empty, they can't go. His love language is Physical Touch, (as are most men's first love language...hahah!). But, if my love tank is empty because he hasn't done anything to fill it, I am a lot less likely to feel like being intimate, and if I'm not filling his tank, he won't want to do things to help me or spend time with me. Get my drift? It has really been AMAAAZING to see the change in my husband. He had NOOO idea that helping around the house and spending a little one on one time with me each day would mean so much to me. Now, his second love language is also acts of service. I found out that the most important things to him are coming home to a clean house, having dinner ready at least a half an hour after he comes home (he's usually starrrrrving), and silly little things like putting my shoes in the closet! I had no idea how important those things were to him, either. SO, now I focus more attention to making sure I do a "turbo clean sweep" of the house before he comes home and making sure he has dinner soon after he gets home. I make the bed and put away my shoes...such easy little things! And we have both been SOOO much happier! Both of our tanks are being filled, thus we have fuel to give to the other. I highly recommend this book, it has worked wonders.

Annnnd, that's your reading assignment for this week. :) Even if your marriage is peachy keen, it's still fun to discover more about you and your spouse. And, if I were Queen, I'd make everyone who is even THINKING about getting married read this book so they know what their love languages are so their relationship stays going in the right direction.

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE END.

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19 people leaving some love!:

Janet said...

I did a bible study off of this book YEARS ago, and we loved it! :)

Glad you're refreshed, friend!

www.iheartmygluegun.com

Blujeanmama said...

So cool! It's been so long since I have read this one - I think I'm going to read it again!! My husband and I just went through the Love and Respect DVD series - and it was super helpful for us!!

marisa said...

Ive read it! Its a good book :), glad things are better!

texas is for lovers said...

loved your honest last post. And.. love this book. There is one about apologies too. Like you, after reading this book it was as if a light just went on and it has been A LOT easier and a lot more fun too.
And you got mad craft talent girl. Keep it up

Emily @ RemarkableHome said...

I've heard of this book alot but never read it. I am so glad its been so helpful to you! Sometimes it is so hard to figure out why things aren't working quite right. Men are not too good at communicating (usually)so sometimes it can be so difficult to figure out what they need or even to have a chance to explain to them what your needs are. SO glad this book allowed that to happen for you guys!

Jenny said...

i agree, that book was so helpful. we received it as part of our pre-marrital counseling and it taught me so much.

Bonnie Sotelo Schoos said...

Sadly, I've owned this book for 4 years and have yet to open it. I think it's time!

Natalie said...

((Nat)) Glad you are feeling refreshed and in tune with your husband! I despise the weeks where we feel disconnected... it can be such a downward spiral before you even realize what's happening! Hope you're having a fantastic holiday weekend!

The Yoder's Four said...

My mom raves about that book, too. So glad it's helped you out! I'm definitely a girl who needs her quality time, and him pitching in with the housework does wonders, too!

Me said...

I read this in two of my college Psych classes. It is truely amazing. Glad it worked for you. Keep up the hard work, marriage is a jouney not an end point!

Amy said...

We read this book as part of our pre-marital counseling. It is wonderful!

Sherri said...

Nat. You are beautiful, sweet, loving, generous, creative and just plain awesome! And having a birthday I might add. Do you know just how much I love you and miss you?! Hope your day is wonderful!!!

The Yoder's Four said...

P.S. Happy birthday, beautiful cousin!!

kkoyle said...

Glad things are going better for you Natalie. Life can be incredibly hard at times, an eternal perspective and lots of love really do make such a big difference. Best of luck to you!

Abbie Ann said...

I love that book, i discovered it after my marriage had already ended but it has helped me in my relationships since and i hope that my fiance will read it as well

Richmond Thrifter said...

What a great post!!! Thanks for sharing your life so open and honestly. I'm sure you are going to help soooo many people! going to have to get that book! It sounds like my Lang and yours are the same as are our husbands!

Linsey said...

I've actually read this book twice! Once when we were married for just a few years and didn't have any issues at all, but it helped us understand each other in a way that when things became hard, we were able to communicate better to each other. It's def a must for those that are married or thinking about getting married. SO Good!! I'm glad that things are going better for you and that this book worked for you. We need to keep in better touch!

The Wizzle said...

I haven't read the whole book, but my husband and I did take the test at a church activity one time, and it was most illuminating! Incidentally, his love language is Quality Time, with Physical Touch second. Mine is Gifts, with Acts of Service second. What can I say, I want to be pampered!

I was able to point a friend who was struggling with this exact issue toward this book, and I know it was very helpful for her too.

Glad to hear things are turning around for you. <3

Kristie K. said...

I love you! and your blog! I am sorry your marrige has been hard. I know i just see your blog, and i have never met you, but it breaks my heart.
I too, love this book. it's helped us alot too. Marriage can be so hard. (we are still working on it) my love languages are the same as your, and my husband was trying to get me to switch mine, as if you could? His thought was, when we are both touchy, we both win. but when he does the dishes, only i win ;)
I got to get away to girls camp too and i think it's awesome for the dads to know what it is like. Even though everything was together, i am sure you were missed.
anyways i just want to thank you for opening up and let you know i love you, as one sister to another, and i am glad things are better. I have to remind myself my hubby's love language. It's hard sometimes when i feel touched out with 3 kids, one of them nursing.