Stephen Update: Unexpected Surprise of the GOOD KIND!

Here's the latest update! It is SO wonderful to read such a happy post! :)

* * *

The title of this post does not lie. Stephen had an exceptional day today (taken in perspective). When yesterday he was nearly comatose, today he was nearly running around the house and juggling bowling balls! Ok, that's a fairly large exaggeration, but get a load of this:

Stephen woke us up this morning at 4 am wanting sips of root beer. This continued for about an hour and a half before he went back to sleep. By this time I had to get up to take Sabin to her early morning seminary class.

Once about 7am rolled around, and the kids were getting ready for school he was awake again. His eyes were open and he was sociable. He even hollered goodbye to the front door from our bedroom as Adam and Sabin walked out the door. We haven't heard him with a voice like that in weeks.

Once Rebecca left for school I transferred him from his hospice bed to ours and he watched TV, talked to me and drank more while I faded in and out due to exhaustion. Amber was so tired she could actually not be woken even if we talked to her.

Stephen wanted to go to the circus this morning. What? Yes, the circus. I don't know what brought that to mind.

Then he requested watermelon!!! He has refused to eat for a week and a half, but suddenly wanted watermelon. Just about that time Amber's sister Libby called and she said she would get some and bring it over. He ate several bites of it! We couldn't believe it. (I took video of this and because I can't post it here, will do so on Facebook)

He has been trying to sit up by himself. Sometimes he's pulled it off and sometimes not, but he's been exerting himself. He even dropped a fork we were using to stir a medicated drink and tried to get off the couch and bend over to pick it up. I was able to assist him before he collapsed.

One side note: Stephen has been developing yet another tumor. This one seems to be in the muscle on his right thigh. We haven't written about it yet, but found it on Monday by chance. We have watched it at least double in size over the last few days. It's about the size of an elongated ping-pong ball, cut in half and slid under his skin. It is not causing him any pain.

Even though this new tumor is growing, his sickly appearance and physical strength are no different than yesterday, he has behaved completely different today. It has been delightful.

At the same time, we are aware that many close to death will have a day or a number of hours like this just before the end comes. Whatever the reason for this boost in mood and energy, we are DELIGHTED.

He only took about a two hour nap today, has wanted me by his side constantly and has been going and going...

Its after 10:30pm and I just kissed him goodnight. That is absolutely incredible. This day was nothing like we had expected. I am hearing Spongebob sing "It's the Best Day Ever" in my head. We let him stay up so late because we have been afraid that this will be all we get.

No matter what tomorrow brings, we are so fortunate to have had this day.

My Special Visit With Stephen

I had the WONDERFUL opportunity to get to visit little Stephen this week. We were driving home from Spring Break in Houston and luckily, Albuquerque was only about an hour out of the way. My husband was kind enough to let us stop by on the way home. Stephen has been such a huge part of my life for the past 5 months, so I was so privileged to get to spend some precious time with him. Especially since we don't know how much time he has left here on Earth.

My heart was racing as we pulled up to their house. How would I be able to hold it together? I knew it was important to not cry in front of him, and I had to keep it together until I was back in the car. As I knocked on the door and heard his mom say, "Come in!", I took a deep breath.

I was expecting the home to feel very solemn and sad. But there was such a feeling of peace and love there. There was a very special spirit in that home. It felt....holy. Just as you enter their house, there is a very special gift that someone gave them, a big blanket with his picture printed on it. And...the tears try to come, but I hold it together. I walked into the living room and he was laying on the couch in his favorite Sponge Bob pajamas with his Sponge Bob blanket watching cartoons. I was surprised to see him awake, and SOOOO happy when his eyes met mine! I dropped to the floor and told him how much I loved him and how he was my hero. We small talked about cartoon characters for a while, but I could tell that it took a lot of energy for him to speak. Even just to smile took so much effort, but those smiles just melted me like butter! I told him about ALL OF YOU and how hundreds of people are cheering for him and praying for him and he was a hero to so many people. That made him smile. (I know a lot of you have sent him special packages, and they have received them all and are so very grateful for each and every one!!!)

He is very frail, and even just lying on the couch was hurting him. He was due for his pain medication, so I was able to watch that. He has a port in his chest where they deliver his medicines, port flushes and other things and he gets to help put the medicines into his port. It was cute to watch him do it, it was like he enjoyed it. :)

He was getting pretty worn out and I think the pain meds were kicking in so his Dad scooped him up and carried him to their master bedroom where his hospice bed is. He was just so tiny! But you can absolutely tell how much he loves his Dad, they have a very special bond. It was so precious to see his arms wrapped around his Dad, squeezing him with all the strength he had.

Then, it was time to clean and medicate his radiation burns. I felt a twinge of pain as his Dad turned him to his side and lifted up his shirt. His entire lower half of his back and buttock were burned and peeling, like a very severe sunburn. Oh, how my heart broke! He really was just skin and bones, and I could see where the tumor that was plaguing him had been growing. It was very real. I was seeing the horrible effects of that cancer with my very own eyes, not just reading the updates at my computer. Then I realized how strong that little tiny boy really was. He is a WARRIOR. His Dad asked me if I would like to help, and I did. He sprayed some sort of a foam disinfectant on his back and Stephen whimpered...it was cold on his burn. I can't imagine how that must have hurt. Any other kid would probably be kicking and screaming. But he just whimpered and held back great big tears. I sang him a lullabye as I wiped off the foam. My hands were shaking, but not as bad as my voice as I was trying SO hard to hold back my tears. Then his Dad put a burn cream on his back, and as it soaked in I told him the story of the 3 Little Bears to help pass the time.

He was getting very sleepy and starting to drift off. My last words to Stephen were, "I love you forever and ever and ever. Sweet dreams, little Stephen." He gave me a little smile and that was that.

His Dad was kind enough to take a picture of Stephen and I...and I will cherish it forever. Me and my little hero. :)

Stephen Update: The Most Difficult Conversation

Here is the latest update on Stephen:

The Most Difficult Conversation

Today has been another quiet day. Last night however, we noticed Stephen has started some irregular breathing. Amber and I each took a turn laying with him, listening and feeling his chest for movement. He would take about 3 breaths and then would stop for about 30 seconds or so. We were worried about it, but he made it through the night and has been stable all day.

We got a shower chair for him and bathed him on it this morning. I already knew the shape he was in, but taking off all his clothes and helping him into the shower was heart-stopping. He looks exactly like many of the photos I've seen of kids in concentration camps or dying from famine. You can see each one of his ribs. His hips jut out on both sides and he does not have a bottom anymore. Instead, his little bony tailbone is readily seen as the most prominent feature to sit on. I'm sorry to be so graphic, but we can hardly believe his transformation to this form over the last few weeks.

Today we had the pleasure of watching 2 sessions of the spring General Conference broadcast from our church headquarters in Salt Lake City. Two times a year the leadership of the church speaks to its members across the world on gospel subjects. It is a time to be inspired and renewed with their faith promoting talks.

One talk specifically stood out to us. It was a talk by Elder Ronald A. Rasband on children who suffer from serious illness. It was meant just for us.

This afternoon when Stephen woke up Amber and I stumbled into another opportunity to talk to him about death and dying. It was a conversation that I never ever thought I would be in a position to have.

He now understands that the reason his body doesn't want to eat is because he is not going to get better from his cancer... and his body knows it. He was alert and as we asked him questions and answered them his eyes teared up.

He says he wants to see Heavenly Father and Jesus and thinks that would be very nice, but as we expected, he is afraid to be separated from us. We explained to him that it might be like when he used to leave for school. He would say goodbye, kiss and hug us. But then he would get on the bus and be whisked off to school where he would learn new things, meet new people and have lots of fun. He would not miss us, and before he knew it he'd be with us again. We told him it would be kind of like that. He still did not like the idea.

But he is clear on one thing. He does not want to be sick anymore. He is tired of it and we told him that when he chooses to go, he will feel all better again. It is okay to go. It is his choice.

His tears told us he is not ready yet. All I could end up saying to him at the end of our conversation was that when he decided he was ready, all he would have to do is pray to Heavenly Father and let him know. Heavenly Father would take care of the rest.

Stephen Update: Going Home (sniff sniff)

Hi everyone, I am in Houston for Spring Break with my family right now (trying to type on a tiny little iphone...)!but I just need to tell you about the update on Stephen I just got. They found another tumor growing in his neck next to his trachea. He is too weak to fight anymore. They are taking him home today, and it sounds like he isn't going to last much longer. His little body just doesn't have much left to give. They think he may only have about a week or so left in him. So, now I ask for your prayers again. Please pray for them to be able to get through this...I can't imagine what it would be like knowing that I only had a few days left with my child...UGH! *grabbing more kleenex* I can't even find any more words to say...it feels like being at the top of a huge roller coaster and I am looking down at the huge terrifying drop just ahead knowing that I can't change the course. I will face the terrifying drop whether I want to or not. All I know is we are going to need more kleenex.

If you want to read the full updates, click on this link to go to his Caring Bridge Journal.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/stephenpeterson/journal/1

Stephen Update

Here's the latest update on Stephen. I'm so happy he'll be getting to spend his last days at home before going HOME. Sweet, sweet little boy. He looks so exhausted. He has put up SUCH a good fight. He is my little hero. :)

* * *

Getting out!

I added a picture to yesterday's post. It is Stephen just a month or so before he was diagnosed. The picture on today's post is from 3 days ago. It shows what the last 5 months has done to him.

Stephen slept most of the day yesterday so I was determined to get him up and out today. At noon I was finally able to get him out of bed. I tried to get him down to the art room or over to the zoo but he wasn't interested. I finally decided to ask if he wanted to go spend his money. That did it. We got ready and went to Target. He got a Spongebob Lego set. I was able to keep him awake for about 4 hours. After a nap on the couch I was able to get him up again. I tried to get some food in him today but I didn't have much luck.

He started to work on his Lego set when he woke up. It was so sad to watch him attempt to build it. I remember how he used to sit for hours and follow the directions and build a huge Lego set all on his own. Today he struggled just to understand what the pictures were showing him. He fussed and cried about it for an hour. I helped him along the way but found that I was just rebuilding everything he had done because it was wrong. After the hour was up, he was so frustrated I told him to take a break. I put it away. He had only managed to get about 20 small pieces put together. He was frustrated because he knew that this was something he used to be able to do. He kept saying, I do these all the time, I don't need a break. I can do it by myself! I felt so bad for him. I don't know exactly why he is struggling so much. He shouldn't be having radiation effects this early. Maybe it is the drugs or just a lack of using his brain lately. It makes me sad.

I also figured out today that Stephen has lost 7 pounds since we arrived mid February. We have been back for 5 weeks today. That is more than a pound a week. He looks like a skeleton. His hip bones are poking out and his ribs are showing. He loses a little more weight every day. I do everything I can to get calories in him but I am lucky if I get in 800 calories. Most of the days, when he is being sedated for radiation, I get about 300-500 calories in him. He isn't allowed to eat before sedation and then sleeps for hours after. I am usually trying to get as much in him as I can between the hours of 5 and 8pm. He drinks well but won't eat. I am trying to make sure that everything he drinks has calories in it.

My sister Gaylynn is coming on Tuesday to stay with us. I am looking forward to spending time with her. I feel like I haven't really seen anyone in so long. We will be able to catch up again like Libby and I did. It has been nice to not have to be here alone for long periods of time.

Brent and the kids fought really bad wind the whole day but arrived at home safely to a dog that ran around like a crazed lunatic while she cried. It makes me feel so bad when she cries like that. She has been so lonely. I know she will love having me and Stephen home. The cat doesn't have much use for me, but I know my puppy loves me!

I am really hoping that this week goes smoothly with no surprises. I just want to get Stephen home safe and sound. Now that it is so close, I feel nervous. I want to give him that time at home. I hope we can make that happen for him.

Thrift Store Finds: HELP!

I went thrifting this week and I'm super excited about my finds! However...I need advice on what to do with them now! I'm torn between leaving them the way they are, or trying to change them up. What do you guys think???

The first thing I found was this owl cookie jar for $2.50! Should I leave it brown? Should I spray paint it a fun color? If you think spray paint it, what color would you choose?

My next find was this huge Coldwater Creek bag!$4. I spotted it from clear across the room. It's the perfect size for a Church bag or something. LOVE IT. Should I leave it or give it a pop of color, too?

Then, there is this. It's an original...by a local person, I think. $10. But OH MY GOSH, it's beautiful! The frame has really pretty details.

The painting is really pretty, too. I believe they are poppies...


So...what do I do!?! Do I leave it the way it is and hang it in my house? Do I take out the canvas and just use the cute frame? Do I paint the frame? Do I leave the frame? It already looks shabby chic... AHHH! I don't know what to do! Which doesn't happen very often...hahah!

So...what do you guys think?

Owl options:
Leave it.
Paint it.
Paint it-what color?

Purse options:
Leave it. Embellish it. Any ideas on how? Links PRETTY PRETTY please! :)

Painting options:
Leave it alone and hang it.
Take out canvas and just use frame the way it is.
Take out canvas and paint frame- what color?
Do I leave the frame empty? Do I turn it into something like one of those chicken wire memo boards? Add mesh and turn it into a jewelry organizer?

I can't wait to hear your ideas! Thank you SOOO much!

{Pin}spiration Copycat Week 5

This week's {Pin}spiration was in my Beauty Bin board. I've seen this around for a while and I wanted to try it out. Have you heard of washing your face with oil? It sounded so strange, and I just HAD to check it out. I was totally envisioning some lady putting Crisco all over her face or something. The Pin took me to Simple Mom where she had a really informative article on her experience with this whole washing your face with oil thing. It intrigued me. I have tried like EVERY skin treatment thing I could find on the shelf with no luck. Most things just irritated my face. My skin is really dry and acne prone and my skin tone is uneven. Well, at least it was 2 weeks ago! See? Click on it and you can see better....so embarrassing. I can see 3 monsters without even clicking on it! :(


Me: Oh my heck. I can't believe I'm about to put this on my blog for everyone to see...*gag*

NOT.ANY.MORE.

true story.

When we were driving to church on Sunday morning my husband looked at me and said, "WOW, Nat...your complexion is looking REALLY nice! It looks so healthy!". That compliment coming from him meant so much to me...I almost started to cry. I mean, I can tell a difference, but the fact that a GUY could see a difference means it really must be working. I haven't had to use a moisturizer in 2 weeks. I haven't had a single huge zit, and the bumpy forehead I used to have is gone. I'm not even kidding!!! My face seriously looks like it glows (okay, not like, glow in the dark glows...you know what I mean!). I was pretty hesitant to put the oils all over my face the first time...thinking that it was just SOOOOO contrary to what we are usually told about facial skin care. I mean, oils are what make us break out, right? (WRONG!!! It's pores that have dirt and bacteria clogging them!) I was expecting to wake up the next morning either completely broken out in pimples or a total grease ball. Boy, was I pleasantly surprised! I am definitely a firm believer now. I will NEVER buy another drug store facial cleanser or moisturizer again. There's just no need to! Not to mention, these bottles of oils are going to last me forrrrever so they are really cost effective.

So, which oils do I use and how do I do it? Here's my run down. You can use different mixtures of oils for different complexions (she explains it better in her blog post at Simple Mom!)

As for me, I use:




A few drops of tea tree oil- it helps with my acne and is also an antibacterial. (I order my essential oils through Be Young Essential Oils. My MIL is a distributor, so that's why. BUT, you can find them all over!)

A few drops of lavender essential oil- it helps with inflammation and reduces scars.

A dime size drop of grapeseed oil- it's rich in nutrients and antioxidants, it balances both oily and dry patches, and I like how it moisturizes. It's not heavy. It's great at penetrating the pores. It's also a great carrier oil. Seriously...it's awesome stuff.

Some people use extra virgin olive oil (EVOO) instead of grapeseed oil. I tried it...it worked GREAT, but grapseed oil had a lot milder smell. If you can't find grapeseed oil, olive oil is the way to go for sure!!! Just make sure it's the extra virgin kind. (you can find this oil at any grocery store!)

And lastly, about another dime size drop of castor oil- basically...just another freaking awesome oil for your face. The oils have this magical way of moisturizing your face just right. Then, your pores don't produce extra oil because they don't need to. Which, in turn, reduces acne. It's really amazing. (you can find this oil in drugstores...I got mine from Walmart for about $3)

After I have it all in my hands I rub them together to get it mixed up really well and I massage it all over my face. I really work it into my pores. I love how the tea tree oil makes my skin feel kind of tingly, and the lavender is so relaxing. :)

Then, I take a wash cloth and hold it under really warm water, wring it out, and put it on my face until it cools off. This opens up the pores and the oils draw the dirt and crud out. I rinse out the washcloth, warm it back up with the water and put it on my face a few more times. Then I give my face a good rinsing and wipe any left over oil that might have gotten into my hairline away and I'm all done! OH!!! And the oils are an awesome makeup remover, too!

I LOOOOVE the way my skin feels after I do this! I am so happy I found this Pin!

And that's all I have to say about that. :) If you have any questions, let me know!